This post follows on from my last one Why To Do Lists Don’t Work when I shared some ways to help you take back control of your time. I talked about the importance of having a compelling reason as to why the things on your list are important in the first place. Are your ‘to do’ lists taking you further towards your important priorities and goals in life, or is it more a case of trying to keep up with other people’s demands and agendas? If that’s the case, read that post first to get some ideas on how to stop that!
So what stops people following their own agenda?
Often, even when people commit to changing the way they’re spending their time, and instigate new routines to makes more of their hours in a day, they can still find themselves slipping back into old ways. This is an indication that it’s a good time to have a different conversation with yourself.
It’s invariably either a case of needing to be more conscious in managing your mindset better, or old patterns of behavior, which have not caught up with your new intentions, and are unconsciously still running the show.
Here are some questions to ask yourself, and then just get curious about what comes up.
1 Am I really committed to my important priorities and goals?
Perhaps something has shifted in you since you last considered them, or there have been changes in your life recently, or maybe you’re at a different life stage altogether, which means they’re no longer so important, or other things now need to be factored in. Whatever the case, regularly reviewing how you would like your life to be, and re-committing to your why for setting your goals and priorities can significantly sustain your motivation.
2 What story am I regularly telling myself?
It always amazes me how so many of us can get caught up in our story of how we feel things should be, or how we should behave, without ever questioning it or giving it much thought. So often, our story can relate back to patterns resulting from beliefs, values or rules we were brought up with, which might have been good for us back then, but are no longer serving us. Here are a few of the ways this can show up:
- worrying what others think about us
- needing everything to be perfect
- people pleasing
- putting others’ needs before our own
- finding it much easier to give than receive
- lack of self belief/confidence
- indecision
and the list goes on ….
If any of these ring bells with you, take some time out to get conscious about your beliefs, values and rules you are living by now. What values are most important to you – often known as your ‘towards’ values, such as honesty, integrity, kindness, loyalty? And then what are those values you dislike, often known as your ‘away’ values, such as dishonesty, rudeness, insincerity? Then what rules do you have around your values and beliefs? Or put another way, what has to happen for you to feel your values are being respected?
Values form an important part of our identity, and when they are in conflict with the goals or priorities we’re pursuing – or something or someone is triggering us – it’s often a case that our values aren’t aligning, or our rules are not being respected in some way. In which case, something needs to change, and no amount of time management strategies will make the difference.
3 What’s the worse that can happen if? And then what?
Sometimes just asking this one question can quickly move you into action. I always describe it as ‘peeling the onion’. Think about what it is that’s causing you stress, or that’s constantly playing on your mind, or you’re repeatedly not managing to achieve. And when you get the first answer, keep asking “and then what?” Very rarely do the things we worry or obsess about come to pass, so after you’ve done this a few times, it often boils down to not very much, and you can quickly move forward.
Other questions you can ask yourself particularly if it relates to another individual are:
– is this true?
– how do you know?
– who says so?
– what makes their opinion better than yours?
– what would you do now/next if you didn’t believe that thought?
These are the kinds of questions and strategies I share with clients so they more consciously manage their thoughts and mindset. They may sound like common sense, but, as we all know, sometimes common sense isn’t so common!