What’s the difference between us and that swan?

I doubt very much this swan in my pic overthought what they were doing at the weekend as they floated down the River by my boat! I doubt they felt triggered by the other ducks, constantly checked their progress or felt in a rush to get under the bridge by a certain time! They just showed up, went with the flow of the River and trusted that they would float!

And of course that’s just a metaphor, but what is it that makes it so difficult for us to do the same?

We think…!

It’s taken me a long time to see that we’re designed to be more like that swan! And, for me, I’ve come to see that the only thing standing in the way is that we think. The fact that we all have the capacity for thought in and of itself is pretty wonderful. It’s the way we inadvertently use that via our own personal thinking, that so often gets in our way!

The River’s a good metaphor for seeing how thought v our own thinking works. The River where I live just flows and when things get caught up in it there’s usually nothing to do as they eventually get dislodged and float on by. Nothing is permanent, just like our thoughts. And once you know that’s how it works, it’s far easier to spend less time caught up in the weeds – or the content of our thinking!

Times when this is harder to see

There are three areas I’ve found where it can be harder to see this – albeit fresh thought, like the River, is constantly flowing!

1 When I’m triggered

I had a good example of this on my holiday recently. I was staying at a gorgeous villa with a lovely swimming pool and sunny weather, so on paper the last place I expected to feel anything other than relaxed!! Out of the blue, I was triggered by something someone said, that had me immediately feeling up tight. Moments before I was absolutely fine, and in an instant felt that feeling of anger and irritation.

Before, I would probably have jumped to a quick conclusion about what the person had said, resulting in an unhelpful discussion in the heat of the moment and a change in atmosphere. But instead found myself pausing. And in that pause, I had a new thought that it was not what the person had said that had triggered me, but my thinking about what they’d said, and just seeing that it was my own thinking immediately lessened my tension.

2 When things aren’t progressing as I think they should

My life used to be all about setting goals and then constantly reviewing progress based on how much I’d achieved or made happen – usually within my own made up timeline. If things were going the way I’d planned/envisaged I saw that as progress; when they weren’t, I quickly got caught up in the weeds of my own thinking, all those busy thoughts, which abound when we’re not seeing the results we want!

I’ve recently taken part in a 90 day project to create something impossible*, which I thoroughly enjoyed. One of the key differences is that rather than set goals, the idea was to come up with something that seemed impossible to us, but that we’d feel really excited about if it happened! Goals were described as being all about achievement, versus miracles ie things that would feel miraculous if they happened, and that we couldn’t possible predict happening in advance!

And that was the key difference – the difference between knowing and the unknown. Knowing the likely steps we’d need to take, having all our ducks in a row, second guessing all the things that we thought could go wrong or needed to be done. Versus not knowing – just showing up, pointing ourselves in the direction of what we wanted to create, seeing what new thinking occurred moment to moment as we did the next thing that occurred to us.

Far less about pushing and stressing to create results, and much more like the swan in the flow on the River. Engaging with something, but with nothing on it, no pressure, having fun, and creating in a much easier more enjoyable way. I’m now seeing progress in a completely different way with a much greater appreciation of the internal progress that I’m experiencing, rather than external achievements.

3 When things are going too fast or too slow

Self imposed timelines are my nemesis! The quickest way to get me out of living in the flow is when I found myself over focusing on the timing of something, rather than seeing that timing is invariably not within my control.

I’ve wasted countless hours worrying about why something isn’t happening when I want it to, or trying to control or manipulate a situation to see results faster. And that way inevitably just leads to piling on more pressure and stressful thinking!

These days, I see that life often has its own pace. Things often work out better in hindsight, there was a better or right time for something to happen, or not. I’ve come to accept that there are ebbs and flows to momentum and to go with it rather than resist. Do the next thing that occurs to me, and trust that just in time fresh thoughts/wisdom are always flowing in.

I’d love to hear what this brings up for you!

*PS I’d appreciate your help with three quick questions. I’m mulling the idea of inviting some people to explore something similar on line during May, but focusing on doing something you’ve always wanted to that takes you out of your comfort zone. Let’s call it Miracles in May…something that would feel miraculous and exciting if it happened. More from this ‘do what occurs’ next/in the flow perspective, to experience a lighter, more enjoyable way of doing something new, or approaching a habit with fresh eyes. It’s not about the end result – it’s all about the internal progress that you’ll experience, which can be miraculous!

1 What do you think about this idea?
2 What comes to mind that would feel like a miracle for you?
3 Are you up for giving this a go during May?

You can drop me a line here – thanks so much!

This is just a short video nudge that I decided to quickly record to wish you a really happy Easter!

Free up your bandwidth over the break

The video also picks up on my last nudge about what makes a problem a problem, and one of the comments I received. I share my response in the video, but the reference to bandwidth is simply a metaphor to illustrate how our worrying or stressful thoughts can quickly use up our mind’s bandwidth – especially if we’re regularly livestreaming!

So if you are grappling with a problem or feeling stressed out at the minute, I hope it might nudge some new perspectives to take your foot off your head during the break, and give yourself some space to recharge and live more in the flow.

In my last nudge, I talked about how much easier life can feel when we manage to get out of our own way.

It struck me this morning that’s never more true than when it comes to problems – or the illusory nature of problems as I’ve come to see them!

Problem solving can make things worse

For someone who has spent a lifetime believing that it helps to problem solve, that was a huge realisation when I realised that it often just caused me to get way more caught up in my thinking and further away from coming up with solutions.

I used to see it as an important part of my work, helping people to consider the issues and problems they were having, and then come up with a plan or strategy to help get them unstuck.

And sometimes it worked – or at least worked for a while, until another problem would present itself and the conversation to problem solve would start again!

Flow versus speculating

Since coming across the understanding of how we create our experience, I now see problems as something that only exist in my own head. That there’s the event, circumstance or situation that occurs, and then there’s all my thinking and speculating about them!

The more I’ve learned to live more in the flow – aka stay out of my own way – the easier it’s been to drop all that thinking. And in doing so, find that the answers inevitably present themselves. Often something I couldn’t possibly have imagined, or problem solved, occurs, and whatever seemed like a major problem at the time worked out in hindsight.

Newsflash…

So, my sister just happened to call from overseas while I was writing this, and we chatted through the idea that problems are illusory. In her inimitable way, she paused and said “Tam, that’s all well and good and I kind of get it, but I’ve been learning about this new understanding for a good while now, and even I don’t see that one…of course a problem is a problem!!” She went on to give this example. “If I’ve got to find money by the end of the week that I don’t have, that’s a fact it’s not something I made up. Any one of us will have experienced all kinds of problems today, and reading that they are illusory would quite frankly p*** me off so it could be the people who read this might feel the same way!” Needless to say, we chatted some more, the essence of which I hope I’ve now captured below.

Just seeing the transitory nature of thought is enough

For me, the fact that I’ve come to understand the transitory nature of thought, and that how much of a problem I make something is down to my own thinking, has completely changed how I approach all ‘problems’. Just seeing that it is my own thoughts that first create what is and isn’t a problem, and then all the next level of thinking about how I’m going to respond to that – which is also only more thought – is usually enough to give me a buffer before the ifs, buts and maybes take me in an unhelpful direction! These days, that gives me just the nudge I need to more easily catch myself before generating more perceived problems about the illusory problem!

All that said, of course I’m only human so does this always work? No, far from it! But just seeing that both the problem and my thoughts about it can only ever come from my own thinking, gives me a chance to pause. And it’s in that space between the busy thoughts that more creative thinking naturally flows in if I let it. Seeing that’s how we work is what has caused me to have more confidence, and trust that something will come to mind, that fresh thought will come in and provide answers I can’t yet see!

I’d love to know what this brings up for you. And if you have any examples of where you’ve seen that life has a habit of working out in retrospect, would be great to hear them.

This is the type of conversation I’m having with people in my work now. Moving away from helping people to problem solve to pointing them in a different direction of how our experience is created in the first place. It makes for some wonderful conversations and insights that no amount of problem solving ever did! So if you’re experiencing problems in life at the minute, I nudge you to consider having a different conversation, and just see what new perspectives might occur for you as a result.

That title for this post has been percolating all day after a couple of conversations, which prompted me to write this nudge!

Having been in touch a lot in January with my Living in the Flow email series, I can’t quite believe it’s already March and Easter is nearly upon us.

When busyness takes over

The thing I’ve been noticing a lot recently is how busy life quickly got for people this year. Nothing new in itself, but wow that busyness certainly has a way of taking over I’ve found.

And the interesting thing is that when I’m talking to people, be it in my work or personal life, far from enjoying the busyness, so many of us seem to be craving more time and space for ourselves…and often failing miserably!

As someone put so well recently “Busyness is not a badge of honour, it’s an exhausting way to live!”

Letting go of control

I’ve come to the conclusion that whatever the reasons or circumstances, it’s pretty impossible for life to feel easier when you’re running to stand still all the time. In one of the conversations I had today, the topic of control came up as a possible reason, which I think explains part of the problem.

What is it that makes it so hard to let go of control?

For me, what I’ve come to see is that we have far less control than we think we do – and that’s okay. In fact I’d go as far as to say, the less I focus on control (or put another way, stressing about what I’m doing, saying or thinking about how things will turn out) the way more freedom and space that gives me. Space to either ‘get more sh*t done’ or to simply enjoy living life.

An easier way

In one of my flow emails I posed the question: when do you get your best ideas? For me, it’s rarely when I’m overly caught up in my thinking or missioning through a ‘to do list’. Rather it’s usually when I’ve got less on my mind, having a shower, taking a walk, not overly focusing on anything in particular. It’s always then when inspiration tends to strike out of nowhere, prompting new thoughts and ideas that invariably make sense in the moment, or provide answers to something I’m grappling with.

Don’t mess with the system

The more I’ve come to experience that, the less time I spend caught up in my head and just being in life. Yes, there’s no controlling the multitude of thoughts that cross our minds in any moment, but seeing the potential for my mind to reset on its own, for fresh thinking to come in, means that busyness is fast becoming a thing of the past. It only messes with the system and keeps me out of living more in the flow, which is a much nicer place to be!

I’ll leave it there, but I really invite you to see if this is true for you too. I heard a great way of putting this recently that we might think we need to be in control, but so often it’s in that space of letting go, being more comfortable with the unknown that life invariably does a good job of living us…if we just stay out of our own way!

PS If you’re reading this and pondering “but how do I stay out of my own way…??” Or creating more space for you feels good to you, then do come along to a Living more in the Flow group. I’m having some great conversations at the minute! There really is an easier way to experience life, and whatever else, I guarantee you’ll come away with some valuable perspectives!

Happy New Year!

I hope it’s got off to a good start, and you’re still feeling the benefit from the holidays eleven days in! And if it’s already feeling like a distant memory then I hope my New Year musings might give you pause for a breather…

Starting with letting things go

As I kick off my New Year, I’m feeling far more relaxed than might have been the case in the past. I love the whole notion of starting on a fresh page, but previously that could cause me to feel pressurised with thoughts of changing or doing things differently or getting more done.

This year I’ve let go of all of that…

Doing what occurs next

As you’ll know from my nudges last year, I’ve been sharing more about the idea of living more in the flow, and the peace of mind that can result when you drop all the busyness, overthinking or ‘shoulding’ yourself.

Instead, I’m just following through on what occurs next to me, what feels like the next step to consider and doing that, and it feels wonderfully liberating!

This is what that looks like

1 I’ve spent some quiet time writing down what I’d like this year to be about. I heard a good way of doing this recently, which was to start with the sentence ‘it would be great to…’. For me, that immediately feels so much lighter and freer than yet another goals or ‘to do’ list, which can quickly feel prescriptive and heavy.

2 I’ve completed my tax return with ease instead of the usual dread that evokes. I simply got started and came back to it across a couple of days instead of forcing myself to do it all in one go.

3 I’ve made time for what feels important: visited a dear Uncle who has just received some bad medical news; been in touch with friends instead of putting it off for a good time to talk; learnt how to make shortbread having not baked since I was in school(!?); got my wood-burner working after weeks of procrastination and a smoke filled boat; cleared the decks of paperwork and clutter that’s been there for years; started looking at holidays…

4 And work has just flowed too – instead of the usual overthinking about work, planning and stress from other people’s demands, I’ve focused on my priorities: designed a new ‘nudging’ package; updated my website; engaged in some training & a new mastermind group, all without any feeling of busyness or self-imposed deadlines!

Do without doing and everything gets done

As I’m writing, I can already feel the resistance to doing what occurs next…and all the ‘but, what ifs’ that might be coming to mind… And I get that, because that used to be me!

But ask yourself this. Can you think of a time when stressing or worrying helped you to achieve or resolve something or handle a situation any better? I heard this answered so well in a film I watched over Christmas by a man facing a life or death situation. When asked if he was worried he replied “would it help?”
 
Be different this year!

If Living more in the Flow sounds good to you, then my nudge is to be different this year. I say ‘be’ rather than ‘do’ on purpose, because I really mean it’s all about being more of yourself whatever that might be for you. More lighthearted, more energised, more carefree, more creative, more fulfilled, happier. That might sound a little woo woo (or too good to be true…?), but take it from me, if you’re living more in the flow, it gets a whole lot easier to experience those things a lot more of the time!

I’m really keen to share more about how you can do that, so if you’re interested, please take a minute now to consider an idea I’ve put together to help make this happen at the link below.

Living in the Flow in 2018

If this resonates, I hope you’ll take a look. Do this for you, and make this year the one where busyness, worry or stress, gets relegated once and for all!

Consider yourself nudged until the next time…!

Well, another year is nearly over, and I hope you’re now starting to wind down and look forward to the Christmas holidays! And if you’re working right up to the wire, or feel you still have a mountain to do, I hope this nudge will give you a moment to pause from the busyness!

Thoughts settle like a snow globe!

As you’ll know from my nudges this year, I’ve been sharing more about the perils of over thinking and the stress that can cause. I’ve talked about the idea of living more in the flow, and the peace of mind that can result when our thinking is less stirred up!
 
Much like those snow globes where you can’t see what’s inside when you shake them, but when the snowflakes settle, the picture emerges.

Thoughts naturally settle in the same way

There’s nothing to overthink, change or do, just the mind clears and you’re back living in the flow. Fresh thought is always coming through in the moment, regardless of anything else going on around us. And it’s the simply knowing that, which can lead to a greater sense of wellbeing.

Kindness in the design

It’s lovely to know that’s part of our system, natural state, and you only have to see it, to notice when you’re stirred up, which gives you a moment to pause, stand back, rather than rushing headlong into potentially bad decisions, arguments, disagreements or whatever.

For me, I’ve seen that there’s kindness in the design that makes for much wiser decisions, and takes a ton off my plate, where previously overthinking or reacting would have wasted so much of my time and energy.
 
Holidays can be a time of managing people’s expectations, and getting stirred up for all kinds of reasons! So play with this idea of the snow globe over the break, test it out for yourself, I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised!

Living in the Flow in 2018!

During November, I ran a 30 day exploration into living more in the flow where a group of 15 of us shared a deeper understanding of where our experience comes from and the nature of thought. I shared daily insights, concluding with a group session. I got some great feedback, and it was wonderful to see the difference it made to people…

“I took part in Tamsin’s Living in the Flow 30 day exploration. The concept evolves around thought process, and how understanding your thought flows can make your ‘busy head’ a happier head. It is also about letting go of some of the control that surrounds us all, and letting the good feelings dominate your agenda. I have learnt so much and, although I have not yet managed to fully live in the flow, I am now in tune with the principles, and will be joining Tamsin in 2018 for more exploring of this to enhance my daily wellbeing and peace of mind.”

If you would like more details about Living in the Flow in 2018, just hit reply and I’ll be in touch in the New Year!