It’s been a while again since my last nudge… you know that way that sometimes life just takes over, chucks a few curve balls, and all the best laid plans of mice and men go straight out the window? Well that’s pretty much how it’s been in the past couple of months…

In the past, this would have quickly sent me into overwhelm, over analysis and stressing big time about all the things I should be doing…only thank goodness these days I’ve learnt that’s not only really unhelpful, it’s actually counter productive.

No, instead I’ve just taken my hands off the wheel for a bit, my foot off the pedal, and surprisingly, the world has not come to an end (gosh all the silly things we tell ourselves in the name of having to be seen to keep going, present a particular front, or give ourselves a false sense of control… just exhausting…)

So, I wanted to share some insights I’ve seen around the okay-ness of letting go, and how that’s not only been helpful, but, I’ve come to see, essential for living through difficult times.

Acceptance versus resistance

Accepting things as they are can be hard, but so often it’s our own resistance to accepting something we might not want or like, which causes us upset rather than the event itself.

Put another way, ‘what you resist, persists’. The quicker you can drop the resistance, and take the view it is what it is – whilst not seeing it worse than it is – the quicker some semblance of equilibrium returns … and from there, even if only in tiny steps, things incrementally start to feel more manageable.

Being in the moment

Yeah yeah, I know we’ve all heard this before and, for sure, it’s one thing to know it and quite another to put it into practice. For me, this isn’t something that can be forced (or endlessly meditated over…). It’s simply a case of noticing when I am … Noticing that whatever’s happening, life continues to live us … we find ourselves getting out of bed, brushing our teeth, doing the same old chores, cooking our meals, following our routines, more unconsciously than consciously.

Like life’s moving us in the moment rather than us consciously having to make things happen. And the more I’ve experienced that, the more I’ve also seen it’s not all down to me. I’m just doing the next thing that comes to mind, things are still getting done, and the more I stay out of past or future thinking, and just be in the moment, the better things feel.

We can’t control thought

Overthinking in difficult times can be so draining.

We can all have a tendency to get stuck in a particular pattern of ‘either/or’ or ‘right or wrong’ thinking. The mind will then seek out all the evidence to support your point of view – part of a survival mechanism that’s wired into us.

Seeing that’s just the way thought works and we can’t control it means I relate so differently to any thoughts these days. I engage way less with what I’m thinking now that I’ve seen a crappy thought = a crappy feeling. This has helped me to catch myself more quickly when negative thoughts are looping round my head. I’ve seen that, if left alone, thoughts naturally come and go by themselves, there’s nothing to do, they eventually pass through. I’ve seen that when I’m in a quieter state of mind, this happens much more quickly. When it does, new, better thinking always comes in, regardless of what I’m grappling with.

Trust the system

The more I trust that it’s just the way we work, that we’re all only ever doing the best we can with the momentary thinking we have that can look so real to us – until it doesn’t – the easier it gets to trust the system in difficult times. It’s a constant learning curve, but now I see that we have no control over the myriad thoughts that are coming and going all day long, I’ve learnt to be a lot kinder to myself – and by default others…

If you’re living through a difficult time right now, I hope these insights are helpful. As I shared in my last nudge, 7 Life Lessons from my Nan, she had an innate understanding about this. She knew that the best thing to do when you’re feeling stirred up was to let go of your thoughts, give yourself some quiet space and let your mind reset … I got more responses to that nudge than any other I’d written before, so I’m guessing we can all see the wisdom and truth in this.

Until the next time, consider yourself nudged for now.

All the best

Tamsin

PS I’m just about to launch my new Facebook nudgeme page so I can share different conversations and insights in a more dynamic way … both my own nudges and other helpful tips and ideas for living an easier life – I’d love it if you’d follow me there, thanks!

7 life lessons in celebration of my Nan

August is always a special month for me with important family birthdays. Not least it was my Nan’s birthday this week and, as I was thinking about her, I started to recall some of the life lessons I learnt from her, so I felt ‘nudged’ to share them. She died 10 years ago at 96, and her wisdom is holding true for me more and more these days.

Interestingly, I found words popping into my mind all beginning with the letter ‘L’ that seemed to follow a natural flow!

1 Live

When I say live, I mean in the sense that Nan never seemed to get too caught up in her thoughts. She was always too busy living in life rather than in her head.

2 Let go

Whenever I was feeling a bit low, or there was some kind of drama going on in my life (that of course usually felt like the end of the world to me when I was younger..!?), I’d inevitably end up at Nan’s. The first thing she’d do is make me a cup of tea and a cheese sandwich, and rather than getting into any conversation, she’d often suggest I take a nap. Invariably in that letting go of my thinking for a moment, I’d wake up in a much better headspace! I have friends all over now who often say “I’ve got a need for a cuppa and a cheese sandwich” feeling, and I can immediately connect!

3 Lighthearted

Nan’s view on life was a lot less complicated than can so often be the case these days. She somehow saw life in a simpler way and was always very clear on what was important to her – number one being her family! She’d lived through the war, and had her fair share of life’s challenges, and as a result she didn’t really ‘sweat the small stuff’, which gave her a much more ‘lighthearted’ energy that drew people to her.

4 Listen

Nan was a great listener. Rather than asking lots of questions or advising on what I should or shouldn’t do, she’d just stay pretty quiet and wait while I rambled on! These days, be it in my work or personal life, I’ve come to see how important this is, especially when people are experiencing difficult times. It’s so easy to want to fill in the gaps in conversation, or rush to help or fix things for people, and yet just quietly being there, and really listening to someone can make the world of difference.

5 Learn

Learning from listening better is such an intrinsic part of my work these days, and I’m convinced that’s what made Nan so understanding of other people. She was brilliant with younger people in this way…and I’m thinking now of a time when a group of young lads (as she called them) used to hang around the local shop where she used to go. I asked her once if it made her nervous and she just said “Oh no…I always say hello and am polite to them, so they’re always very polite back to me!”

6 Love

Nan had a big heart and she taught me so much about the importance of unconditional love. There’s a long standing joke in my family that whatever I did, or how badly I might have behaved at times, Nan never failed to take my side or back me up! It didn’t matter what was occurring, she was always there for me.

7 Laugh

There are many times I can remember a lot of laughter with Nan, just as long as it wasn’t any jokes about her family! I can picture her now when my sister and I took her home to Ireland for her 90th birthday, and we had a picnic on the beach. Amazingly, when it came to leave we had to climb up a cliff, and half way up, she started laughing about something. So much so that we only just made it to the top before we collapsed in a fit of giggles!

So there we have it, Nan’s 7 life lessons in celebration of her life. I’ve enjoyed writing about them and hope they spark some of your own wisdom too!

Feeling stuck is just part of being human

To illustrate what I mean, when I started nudgeme years ago, I came up with the name having heard a story about Pooh sticks from one of my favourite coaches, Michael Neill. I’m sure you’ll know, but briefly, playing Pooh sticks is when two people throw a stick in the River and see whose wins as the stick floats upstream to a given point. If one of the sticks gets stuck, it doesn’t need therapy just a nudge and it’s on its way again. Well that’s what I’m pointing to now.

There is no inherent meaning to any thought

This was HUGE to me when I got it! I now realise that the only thing that keeps me stuck, or out of the natural flow of living life with a sense of ease, is believing, or attaching meanings, to the myriad thoughts I have all day long! Now I see thought as just a transient energy taking form in the moment, it seems almost ridiculous now to take it seriously!! Which of course isn’t to say that I don’t get caught up and forget that at times!

The antidote is in the nature of the River

Feeling stuck is simply a part of the human condition – like those sticks sometimes they’ll float into the weeds and other times they’ll float on upstream, but either way it’s just the nature of the River and what can occur, and says nothing about the sticks themselves. Or, as I’m referring to, says nothing about the person who gets stuck!

The River is always flowing underneath, it’s not judging the stick, or saying “I don’t like this one, so I’ll push it into the weeds”. Sticks eventually get dislodged and go on their way. For me, the River is such a good metaphor for our innate wellbeing, wisdom, that’s always available to us. And just seeing the impersonal nature of how the River works is enough to nudge me from getting too caught up in the weeds of my thinking, and back into living more in the flow.

So my nudge for today is to just stop for 5 minutes and see where you might be getting caught up in the weeds of your thinking, and where might it help to let the River take over…nothing to sweat or overthink, just what comes to mind?

Have a great rest of your week, and, if you’re in the UK, enjoy this glorious weather we’ve been having…as the pic shows, it’s a stunning day on the River!

All the best for now

Tamsin

PS I shared this nudge earlier with the people taking part in my 100 Days to Create Something Miraculous project. I’m so enjoying our time together…all kinds of miraculous things are occurring, and I’m loving all the new insights people are experiencing. So much so, I’m considering running it again later in the year so if it speaks to you let me know!

100 Days to Create Something Miraculous!

1 May-8 August 2018

Make something happen over 100 days that would feel like a miracle/miraculous to you!

Take a fresh look at an old habit, a situation that’s been weighing you down, action on an idea that’s been niggling away at you, or experience a new way of approaching something you’d love to do, change or resolve!

Miracles do happen! It’s just been the May Day Bank Holiday in the UK and the sun was shining! I spent the weekend here in my family garden!

I’m feeling that lovely new energy associated with new things and Spring, and looking forward to kicking off my 100 days to creating something miraculous idea today with the people who have signed up!

If it’s something that sparks an interest in you, you’ll find all the details below, including answers to the questions I’ve been getting.

Not surprisingly, a big one was “I just don’t have the time…!!” And THERE in a nutshell is my main inspiration for this idea. To nudge you today to step back from the busyness, and ask yourself a different question. Instead of focusing on all the reasons you can’t, to ask yourself “why not?” To simply focus your thoughts in the direction of what you’d love to make happen, then be open to engaging in the next step!

FAQs

Q Sounds great, but how can I add another thing to my ‘to do’ list?

A This is nothing about doing more! It’s about nudging you to explore a different way of engaging with life. A dedicated, supportive space for you to focus on something you’d love to bring about. Something that has been nagging away at you, or is already taking up a lot of your head space. You’ll be amazed at the energy you free up as a result!

Q What if I can’t come up with, or choose one idea?

A We’ll be playing with this in our first week. By the end of it, you’ll have a feel for which one feels most miraculous to you! It’s the one that doesn’t involve any shoulds, or pleasing other people, the one that makes you want to put your fist in the air when you think about it happening!

Q I’ve never done anything like this before. I tend to be private so will I have to speak in public or anything?

A Simple answer is no! You can engage via email and/or just listen to the calls/webinars. Everyone feels insecure at times, but, in my experience, once we get going you’ll see how supportive and encouraging the group dynamic is, and the difference it makes!

My hope is you’ll see this as an investment in creating some dedicated space for you. The magic is in the journey and experiencing a different way of engaging with something that might feel miraculous now, but will look very different in 100 days time.

Why not give it a go?

PS If you missed my last two nudges about my inspiration, and thinking about this idea, you can read those at the links below!

1 A Kick Up the A**e nudge and a Miraculous Idea

2 Create Something Miraculous Happy May Day
https://mailchi.mp/994d68a713ed/8g5ymn1qfp-2918125 c

I know it’s a Sunday and a day of rest, but I was up with the lark today and excited to get this nudge off to you!

If you read my last nudge, you’ll know I mentioned an idea that’s been percolating for me around helping people to create miracles in their life. Having had some great conversations with people in the last few days, I’ve come up with my own miracle idea to do this. As one person said to me: “I love it, it’s just the sort of kick up the a**e I need!!”

Miracle idea

I want to inspire 100 people to engage in something over the next 100 days that would feel like a miracle/miraculous if it happened!

So I counted on 100 days in my calendar from 1 May – and saw it was 8 August, my Pa’s birthday (see how this stuff works 😉). Immediately thought how lovely to do this in celebration of my Pa’s life since he was a huge inspiration to me, and would get a big kick out of seeing what can happen when people expand their mindset!

The magic is in the experience not the results!

It’s about opening up to new possibilities, seeing new things about yourself, learning new ways to approach things, from a completely different energy. Not over planning, pushing, stressing or striving, but playing with an idea, seeing what occurs, feels fun, enjoyable and exciting with nothing on it. Moving past all the “but what ifs….to why not?”

Your miracle idea could be anything that currently feels impossible or maybe a little scary or a habit you’d love to focus on with fresh eyes, or something that feels way out there or you’ve always dreamt about – anything that feels really exciting if it happened! For instance:

• Turning a hobby or something you love doing into earning some money or a business idea, or getting back into the work scene or changing your current job
• Doing something new be it dancing, writing, art, a new fitness routine, healthier eating/cooking, travelling alone, signing up for a course, studying something that interests you
• Getting involved with a worthy cause
• Changing your home environment, finding a new home, travelling to places you’d love to go even though currently financially any of that feels impossible!
• Exploring/engaging in ways of meeting new people, being in a loving relationship, or getting out of a rut with your existing one
• Cracking a habit that keeps eluding you in an easier, lighter way
• Reviving an old passion, something you used to love and do, but haven’t made time for in years

Here’s how I currently see it working…this will evolve as we go!

• I’ll share weekly+ miracle nudges to inspire you and provoke new perspectives to spur you on
• I’ll run 3 x live miracle nudging on line webinars/calls where you’ll get personal nudging, answers to questions and insights from others – May/June/July (recorded for those who can’t make it live)
• I’ll set up a private Facebook group for us to share our thoughts and experiences, make suggestions, support each other and make new contacts/friends
• I’ll organise a summer celebration get together miracle party for all who engaged!

And all under the proviso of no pressure, check in when you feel like it, enjoy the journey and see what happens.

You can do it on your own, or join forces with a friend, partner, work colleague, relative, or even a group of people to share the experience.

You can go at your own pace – not about deadlines or self-imposed timing!

I’ll charge a small, one off payment of £60 for getting ‘skin in the game’, as they say, for the whole experience!

Finally, I thought why not do your miracle project for someone you love and inspired you in celebration of their life?

There’s nothing to overthink or do today! All I’m asking is you let the idea percolate for you, and I’ll be in touch again on 1 May. It’ll be an easy kick off, just pondering what miracle ideas come to mind for you? What would feel miraculous if you looked back in the summer after engaging with your miracle idea or making it happen?

Do drop me a line if you have any questions, and very much hope you’ll join in!

Have a great rest of your weekend.

All the best for now

Tamsin

PS Please do share this blog post with friends or family who might be interested!

What’s the difference between us and that swan?

I doubt very much this swan in my pic overthought what they were doing at the weekend as they floated down the River by my boat! I doubt they felt triggered by the other ducks, constantly checked their progress or felt in a rush to get under the bridge by a certain time! They just showed up, went with the flow of the River and trusted that they would float!

And of course that’s just a metaphor, but what is it that makes it so difficult for us to do the same?

We think…!

It’s taken me a long time to see that we’re designed to be more like that swan! And, for me, I’ve come to see that the only thing standing in the way is that we think. The fact that we all have the capacity for thought in and of itself is pretty wonderful. It’s the way we inadvertently use that via our own personal thinking, that so often gets in our way!

The River’s a good metaphor for seeing how thought v our own thinking works. The River where I live just flows and when things get caught up in it there’s usually nothing to do as they eventually get dislodged and float on by. Nothing is permanent, just like our thoughts. And once you know that’s how it works, it’s far easier to spend less time caught up in the weeds – or the content of our thinking!

Times when this is harder to see

There are three areas I’ve found where it can be harder to see this – albeit fresh thought, like the River, is constantly flowing!

1 When I’m triggered

I had a good example of this on my holiday recently. I was staying at a gorgeous villa with a lovely swimming pool and sunny weather, so on paper the last place I expected to feel anything other than relaxed!! Out of the blue, I was triggered by something someone said, that had me immediately feeling up tight. Moments before I was absolutely fine, and in an instant felt that feeling of anger and irritation.

Before, I would probably have jumped to a quick conclusion about what the person had said, resulting in an unhelpful discussion in the heat of the moment and a change in atmosphere. But instead found myself pausing. And in that pause, I had a new thought that it was not what the person had said that had triggered me, but my thinking about what they’d said, and just seeing that it was my own thinking immediately lessened my tension.

2 When things aren’t progressing as I think they should

My life used to be all about setting goals and then constantly reviewing progress based on how much I’d achieved or made happen – usually within my own made up timeline. If things were going the way I’d planned/envisaged I saw that as progress; when they weren’t, I quickly got caught up in the weeds of my own thinking, all those busy thoughts, which abound when we’re not seeing the results we want!

I’ve recently taken part in a 90 day project to create something impossible*, which I thoroughly enjoyed. One of the key differences is that rather than set goals, the idea was to come up with something that seemed impossible to us, but that we’d feel really excited about if it happened! Goals were described as being all about achievement, versus miracles ie things that would feel miraculous if they happened, and that we couldn’t possible predict happening in advance!

And that was the key difference – the difference between knowing and the unknown. Knowing the likely steps we’d need to take, having all our ducks in a row, second guessing all the things that we thought could go wrong or needed to be done. Versus not knowing – just showing up, pointing ourselves in the direction of what we wanted to create, seeing what new thinking occurred moment to moment as we did the next thing that occurred to us.

Far less about pushing and stressing to create results, and much more like the swan in the flow on the River. Engaging with something, but with nothing on it, no pressure, having fun, and creating in a much easier more enjoyable way. I’m now seeing progress in a completely different way with a much greater appreciation of the internal progress that I’m experiencing, rather than external achievements.

3 When things are going too fast or too slow

Self imposed timelines are my nemesis! The quickest way to get me out of living in the flow is when I found myself over focusing on the timing of something, rather than seeing that timing is invariably not within my control.

I’ve wasted countless hours worrying about why something isn’t happening when I want it to, or trying to control or manipulate a situation to see results faster. And that way inevitably just leads to piling on more pressure and stressful thinking!

These days, I see that life often has its own pace. Things often work out better in hindsight, there was a better or right time for something to happen, or not. I’ve come to accept that there are ebbs and flows to momentum and to go with it rather than resist. Do the next thing that occurs to me, and trust that just in time fresh thoughts/wisdom are always flowing in.

I’d love to hear what this brings up for you!

*PS I’d appreciate your help with three quick questions. I’m mulling the idea of inviting some people to explore something similar on line during May, but focusing on doing something you’ve always wanted to that takes you out of your comfort zone. Let’s call it Miracles in May…something that would feel miraculous and exciting if it happened. More from this ‘do what occurs’ next/in the flow perspective, to experience a lighter, more enjoyable way of doing something new, or approaching a habit with fresh eyes. It’s not about the end result – it’s all about the internal progress that you’ll experience, which can be miraculous!

1 What do you think about this idea?
2 What comes to mind that would feel like a miracle for you?
3 Are you up for giving this a go during May?

You can drop me a line here – thanks so much!