7 Ways to Keep Yourself Motivated

7 Ways to Keep Yourself Motivated

by | Friday, November 7, 2014 | Different Conversations Life

1 Motivation style

A good way to improve your motivation is to identify your motivation style. Our motivation tends to be driven in two ways: moving towards something or away from something, and it can really help to know which one tends to be you.  So, towards people tend to be motivated by all the things achieving their goal will give them in the future.

For instance, in terms of weight loss, this could be ‘I’ll feel fitter and healthier, be able to fit into those jeans I love, feel better about myself, get a boyfriend, feel more confident etc.  And away people tend to be motivated more by things they want to move away from such as I don’t want to feel out of breath and unhealthy, I’m worried if I don’t lose weight I’ll suffer health issues, I’m tired of not looking after myself better or such things like that.  And there’s no right or wrong motivation, it just depends on you, and the way you think about or picture things.  So getting clear on that can really help.

2 Create a really clear image of achieving your goal

Once you’ve worked out if you’re a towards or away from person and thought about the various things that you want to move towards or away from, it can help to create a really clear picture in your mind of what you will see, hear, feel when you imagine achieving your goal.  The more specific you can be, the better – build your picture using all your senses!

3 Up-date any beliefs about your goal that could trip you up

Do a check on whether you’ve got any out-dated beliefs about losing weight that could be holding you back.  For example, lots of people say they want to lose weight, but can have sub-conscious thoughts that stop them eg, comfort eating – what will replace that instead of food?  Or loss of social life because food plays a big part and they’re secretly scared of losing that or people who grew up being told they must eat everything on their plate etc.

4 Think about previous times when you maintained your motivation

Also do a check on all the times you’ve tried to lose weight before – what was happening when this was going really well that you could do more of now?  And what was happening when you tended to lose motivation and found it harder – how can you minimise those times to improve your motivation now.

5 State your goal in the positive

Really state whatever your goal is in the positive and be very specific.  So, instead of making a general statement like ‘I want to lose weight’, turn that on its head and state it in the positive eg, ‘I want to reach my ideal weight of x in 3 months so that I feel fitter and healthier’ or whatever your chosen motivation was!

6 Take small daily steps

Do something manageable each day relating to your goal.  So in terms of wanting to feel fitter and healthier, introduce a new habit eg, drink an extra glass of water a day, walk 10 minutes, go to bed an hour earlier.

7 Make your goal a priority

As the old saying goes ‘you get what you focus on’ so don’t get side-tracked or put off by other people!  Instead, prioritise your goal and keep in mind the image you created of what it will feel like when you look back having achieved it in, say, 3 months from now!

A Conversation About Optimism

A Conversation About Optimism

by | Wednesday, October 1, 2014 | Different Conversations Life

Are you a cup half full or empty kind of person?

I’m seeing a lot of people juggling life, and dealing with various challenges right now:  everything from financial concerns and worries; fears and uncertainty about their job security and longer-term prospects; people feeling under pressure to work way longer hours as more is being expected of them – then finding themselves completely run down as a result – and those who are working equally as hard for themselves, and finding it much more difficult to do business. All in all, not the easiest of times to remain optimistic…!

So, it got me thinking: how is it that some people find it easier to remain optimistic, despite the most difficult of circumstances, whilst others, in a similar position, really battle to keep things in perspective? Would you describe yourself as a ‘cup half full’ or ‘half empty’ kind of person?

It reminded me of the book Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life written by Professor Martin Seligman, the founder of Positive Psychology, and a leader in the field of improving peoples’ life satisfaction and wellbeing. According to the book, the answer could lie in your explanatory style – that’s not just in terms of the language you use (important though that is) but your particular way in which you explain good or bad events

Your explanatory style

The book talks of three crucial dimensions to explanatory style: permanence, pervasiveness and personalisation, which, depending on our particular style, will reveal how optimistic we are. The idea is that once we are more aware of our style, we can improve it to boost our levels of optimism.

1 Permanence v temporary

The first dimension is permanence v temporary: people who view bad things that happen to them as permanent can feel that the bad event will always affect their lives: people who are more optimistic tend to believe that the causes of bad events are temporary. So, for instance, someone who has more of a permanent pessimistic explanatory style might say things like “Diets never work”, “I’m useless at tennis”, “You never talk to me” whereas someone with a more optimistic style would say “Diets don’t work if you don’t exercise too”, “I’m useless at tennis when I don’t practice” or “You haven’t talked to me lately”.

You’ll also see the immediate difference in that people who tend to explain bad things in terms of definitive statements, using words like always and never, have a permanent, pessimistic style. Optimistic people are more likely to qualify what they say with words like lately or sometimes and view bad events as temporary. This helps to explain why some people can be blindsided by bad events, whilst others can quickly bounce back.

2 Pervasiveness: specific v universal

The second dimension relates to pervasiveness: that is the extent to which people are able to experience a bad event, and yet not let that affect other areas of their lives. We all know people who are having trouble in one area of their life say, their work or relationship, but are still able to go about their daily lives. Others can find it harder not to let that one thing affect everything else that’s going on. A pessimistic person is more likely to make universal explanations when they are experiencing a bad event, whereas someone who’s more optimistic will talk in specifics. For example, someone with more of a pessimistic style going through a bad time in their relationship, might say “I’m repulsive” whereas the more optimistic person would say “I’m repulsive to him/her”.

I particularly liked a story in the book of two people who have been made redundant from the same firm called Nora and Kevin. Nora is offered temporary work back where she was fired and thinks to herself “they realised they can’t cope without me”. Kevin got the same offer and thought “they must really be shorthanded.”

3 Personalisation: internal v external

The third dimension relates to the extent we tend to personalise things – which is so key in terms of the way we talk to ourselves! When bad things happen, we can blame ourselves – internalise – or we can blame other people or circumstances – externalise. The book also explains that people who blame themselves when they fail at something, for example, tend to have low self-esteem as a consequence. People who blame external events do not lose their self-esteem. So, people who tend to personalise things more (internal) might say “I’m stupid” or “I have no talent at x”, whereas the more optimistic person would say “You’re stupid” or “I have no luck at x” (external).

It’s interesting to note that the optimistic style of explaining good events is the opposite of that used for bad events. People who believe good events have permanent causes are more optimistic than people who believe they have temporary causes. Likewise, the optimist believes that bad events have specific causes, while the pessimist believes that good events are caused by specific factors. And people who believe they cause good things to happen tend to like themselves better than people who believe good things come from other people or circumstances. So, if something good happens, the more optimistic person might say “I can take advantage of luck” (internal) whereas a more pessimistic person might say “That was a stroke of luck” (external).

You can find out much more about Positive Psychology and the study of wellbeing at Professor Seligman’s website Authentic Happiness, including some great questionnaires you can use to test out your happiness levels.

I hope this has given you optimistic food for thought. I’m guessing we’ll all recognise some of ourselves in the examples given here to greater and lesser degrees, but it’s good to know we can catch ourselves out and choose a more optimistic conversation style! What are some of the ways you might now begin to have a different conversation with yourself to help improve your optimism levels?

nudging and film The King’s Speech

by | Sunday, August 10, 2014 | Different Conversations Life

What might this award winning film have to do with ‘nudging’ you might well ask? Not only is the Kings Speech a very good film, it highlighted beautifully what can be achieved when an individual experiences the undivided support of another person helping them to overcome a problem, or achieve something they never thought possible.

I’d urge everyone to see the film not only for a host of reasons from the well written script to the sublime acting from the main characters – but to experience a brilliant example of, what I call, ‘nudging’ – having a different conversation with yourself – at its very best. In the case of the film, for those of you who haven’t seen it, the coach in question was a speech therapist who worked with Britain’s King George VI to help him overcome his stammering, and enable him to cope with public speaking. He had a love of speech and drama and, although no formal training, a total belief in the King’s own ability to overcome his stammer – if he was willing to take the necessary action. And this illustrates so well a fundamental principle of my form of life coaching, the belief that people have all the necessary resources inside them to make the changes they want.

Sharing practical strategies

The speech therapist used his own strategies to help the King, based on his instinct and experience of working with people. This was all the more necessary since the King had resolutely refused to view his stammer as anything more than a mechanical problem. The strategies took the form of often humourous exercises, and asking particular questions to provoke thought, which quickly revealed where the basis for the King’s stammer lay. He then supported the King, gently nudging him on to keep motivated on his journey.

I won’t spoil the story for you if you haven’t seen the film, but this is where it highlights other valuable principles of why having an independent person to facilitate a different conversation with you can really change things. It gives people the chance to feel really listened to by someone who knows exactly the right questions to ask at the right time, and to experience new, practical strategies you can use immediately to see much faster change and success than continuing to struggle on on your own.

And it’s a wonderful way to help you Trawl for Gold more regularly in your own life!