A Happy New Year nudge and a Fresh Perspective

A Happy New Year nudge and a Fresh Perspective

by | Monday, January 6, 2025 | Different Conversations Life

Happy New Year

Wishing you a very happy New Year. I hope you had a lovely break and the new year has got off to a gentle start.

I’ve been mulling what would be a helpful nudge to kick off 2025 having been inundated with New Year’s resolutions and social media posts on everything from setting goals for the year and losing weight to all the ways we’re supposed to change our lives or fix ourselves in some way!

New year fresh perspective

Thank goodness I no longer feel the need to change or ‘fix’ myself since I learnt that we all have an innate wellbeing and inner wisdom we can rely on. That and the inside out understanding I share in my work that we’re all only ever living in the feeling of our thinking, not our circumstances, and that when we’re just showing up to life as it is free of all our habitual thoughts and concepts, life just naturally gets a whole lot easier.

Living more from our knowing not our thinking

As I shared in my last nudge on dropping your shoulds, we’re made to live in the moment, not to live in our thinking. And when our minds settle down we have access to a space that opens up for a quieter, common sense of knowing and wisdom to show up that invariably brings us what we need.

A good example of this is what happens when a crisis occurs, something that in advance we can’t imagine ever being able to handle … and yet, in the moment, in real time, we rise to the occasion and find an inner resilience that gets us through. As I often say in my work you don’t need a pros and cons list when something really important or urgent happens. You just find yourself moving, taking the next step, then the next with little thinking required. And yet we can get so caught up in overthinking the day to day stuff of life, innocently pressuring ourselves or ratcheting up the stress levels to find answers instead of trusting in that quieter knowing to come through.

Life happens, but ‘thought’ creates our experience of it

That quieter inner space is only ever a new thought away, and our wellbeing is never up for grabs regardless of circumstances. So, this year, instead of ‘thinking’ you might need fixing, or it’s all on you to make something happen, or try and control an outcome, my wish is that you let go of all of that, and just see what occurs from a quieter mind. I’ve come to see that quieter wisdom is 100% reliable, even if it might only be 98% predictable, but it invariably brings us what we need … even if we might have imagined otherwise!

As always, please don’t take my word for it, just see what rings true for you.

Wishing you a magical 2025 and more living in the flow showing up to what shows up and just being yourself.

All the very best for now

Tamsin

PS I know this time of year can be difficult for many and if you find yourself in that position, please don’t hesitate to get in touch.

If you’re drawn to the idea of living more in the flow of life as it shows up, more living in the moment, and freeing up a heap of headspace and time in the process, I share more in my ‘Living in the Flow’ insights. And even if you’ve checked it out before, it might just resonate differently this time…😉

“Looking back now, I can see how far I’ve come; how much easier and less stressful life has become living in the flow. I’ve moved from problem-focused, frustrating indecision and procrastination to easy, dynamic, motivated flow in all aspects of me and what I love to be and do.”

Cathy, Gloucestershire, UK

A nudge About Dropping Your Shoulds

A nudge About Dropping Your Shoulds

by | Thursday, September 5, 2024 | Different Conversations Life

Dropping your ‘shoulds’

I’ve called this nudge ‘A nudge about dropping your shoulds’ because I’ve been ‘shoulding’ all over myself in the last couple of months for not writing a nudge sooner. Since I’m pretty sure I’m not on my own with this habit of shoulding, I wanted to share some things I’ve found about how unhelpful it is.

First, I hope you’re having a great summer if you’re UK based. Notice I say having rather than had as I’ve yet to go on my summer holls so am hoping for an Indian summer. It will be my first trip away in my sister and her husband’s camper van with these two above and I’m looking forward to it…what can possibly go wrong!?

Less shoulding = nicer feeling

This idea of dropping your shoulds actually builds on my last nudge about how well we work, and especially so when we’re living more in a calmer, less noisy headspace. Continually telling ourselves we should be doing things, or beating ourselves up when we’re not…not to mention all the ways in which we can feel we (or others…) should be acting or behaving in certain or better ways or whatever, just doesn’t feel good. And it’s easy to know when this is happening because our feeling level will quickly alert us.

Freeing up headspace

Aside from living in a nicer feeling, the other huge benefit of dropping your shoulds is how much headspace this frees up. It is fascinating to me that the more I leave my should thinking alone, the quicker I find myself naturally getting more done. As with this nudge, as soon as I stopped pressurising myself, it left space for inspiration to strike.

And likewise when it comes to judging myself or others’ behaviour about what I/they should or should not be doing. Boy can that eat up a whole heap of bandwidth and time, and quickly put you up in your thoughts vs living in the present moment.

Living more in the moment

As I often share in my nudges, we’re made to live in the moment, not to live in our thinking. When we drop out of our noisier thinking there’s a space that opens up for what I’ve come to see as a quieter, common sense of knowing to show up that invariably brings us what we need. We do really well in real time, and just noticing, and trusting, that is so much nicer than shoulding ourselves.

As always, I hope this is helpful, and would love to hear what resonates with you.

Wishing you a lovely weekend when it comes.

All the very best for now

Tamsin

If you want to ‘live more in your life and less in your thoughts’ then I share more in my Living in the Flow series of insights. Just click on the link and you’ll receive a short nudge over the next 7 days. See it as a quiet moment of reflection to start off your day, and help minimise any overthinking.

A nudge About How Well We Work

A nudge About How Well We Work

by | Saturday, May 18, 2024 | Different Conversations Life

At last the sunshine has come out in the UK, and, for those of you living here, I hope you’ve been able to make the most of it. This is the view just down from my mother’s home in Berkshire where I had a lovely walk recently!

How well we work

In my last nudge, I shared how much nicer it can feel to navigate life by insights than the usual overthinking or problem solving that can quickly put us up in our heads and further away from solutions. Searching our memory bank for answers has its place, but when it starts to feel stressful or pressurised that’s the signal to, as best you can, leave your thinking alone.

I often say in my work if the answer was to be found in the database of what we already know, then we’d know what to do or say, or already be doing it. So, when the answer isn’t coming easily doubling down on more thinking with the resulting ratcheting up of stress levels can be extremely counter productive!

Yes, but how do I stop overthinking?

That’s so often what comes up in conversations I have, and as a recovering overthinker I get it!

I now know, and I mean experientially really know, that less is more when it comes to thinking, and how well we work from a clearer, calmer headspace. When we have less on our minds, fresh Thought and answers do invariably, naturally come, and with a different feeling of clarity and knowing that feels instinctively right.

Just noticing how that is already working in your own life can be so helpful. Checking in on your current state of mind, and how you’re feeling in the moment. I’m sure you know the difference between feeling up tight and in a lower mood or state of mind, and that calmer, more expansive feeling that feels more settled and peaceful.

Seeing that the latter is always more accessible and available from a quieter mind, and how that impacts the quality of your thinking, can be all that’s needed to slow thought down and for answers to come.

Internal guide

I also now know that feelings exist to guide me in a better direction…that they are not telling me anything useful about my situation or circumstances, but rather the quality of my thinking moment to moment. So, as such, uncomfortable feelings no longer worry or concern me like they used to. On the contrary, I trust that they are letting me know when I’m getting too caught up in unhelpful thoughts, and to quieten down.

I share more in other blog posts here, including, in this week of Mental Health, a video I recorded offering a fresh look on our mental  wellbeing a few years back when we were coming out of the pandemic. Listening to it again today, the message of the value of a quieter state of mind resonates even more…but please don’t take my word for it, see what fresh insights it sparks for you.

Wishing you a lovely weekend.

All the very best for now

Tamsin

If you want to ‘live more in your life and less in your thoughts’ then I share more in my Living in the Flow series of insights. Just click on the link and you’ll receive a short nudge over the next 7 days. See it as a quiet moment of reflection to start off your day, and help minimise any overthinking.

A nudge About the Power of Insights

A nudge About the Power of Insights

by | Wednesday, March 20, 2024 | Different Conversations Life

I had a lovely weekend away in Brussels last month, and took this photo of the canal in Bruges. Living on water as I do, I love seeing different waterways and rivers, and had a thoroughly nice time living in the flow!

Living in the flow and the power of insights

I share a lot in my work about living in the flow of life as it shows up vs living in the endless streams of thoughts in our heads. When we have less on our minds it leaves so much more space for powerful insights to show up. And there’s such a different feeling and energy between that and our intellect.

In my experience, an insight is something that comes to you not from your personal thinking or knowledge, or problem solving, but from a deeper, quieter space of inner, or innate, wisdom. It comes with a different feeling of clarity, a knowing, and more like a fresh thought that bypasses old thinking, opinions or beliefs, and feels instinctively right.

Navigating life by insights = much less pressure

The wonderful thing about insights is that they don’t involve any feeling of pressure. They come from thoughts that feel inspired rather than those uncomfortable ones with lots of thinking attached to them. Those ‘should’ thoughts, I should be doing x, y or z ones, or those ‘what if’ thoughts, followed by diving head long into future worst case scenarios.

And because I see that insights come to us, not from any of that noisier thinking, but more in the form of quieter, inner nudges, out of the blue new ideas, it’s been so liberating to see it’s not all on us to make something happen or force action. The very opposite of all that conditioning that tells us if something is going to change or needs doing it’s all on us, or takes hard work, or is inherently pressurised. Gosh what a stressful way that is to live.

Instead of all that I’ve come to see that we work in a much kinder way than that. It’s not not up to us, but trusting in a quieter state of mind to bring us what we need through that quieter knowing, fresh insights, is without doubt a far nicer way to experience life.

Invitation – Tuesday 16 April 6.00-7.00pm UK

I’ve had my own fresh insight today to open up this conversation further. It’s one thing to read about something, and quite another to see how it might play out for us personally. To get an experiential understanding that moves the dial in our day to day lives.

So, before the voice of my should (thinking) gets noisier than my knowing (inspiration), here’s an invitation for you….

It links to my last two nudges on habitual thinking and changing your mind, both of which seem key when wanting to trust in, and follow, our inner knowing more. And we all know that quieter voice of knowing vs the often much louder noise of habitual thinking!

Let’s get together on a Zoom webinar and chat about ‘Turning down the noise on habitual thinking and upping the volume on inner knowing and insights’… with the major side benefit (I’m often told by clients) of freeing up a heap of our time!!

If you have some habitual thinking that is regularly taking up too much of your headspace, and would like to experience less of that and some fresh insights, then I think you’ll enjoy this conversation. If that sounds good, and you’re feeling that quieter nudge to join, then I’d love to see you on Tuesday 16 April 6.00-7.00pm UK. Just send a quick RSVP back and I’ll send you the Zoom link. And if you have any questions, do ask away. Otherwise I look forward to seeing you then.

Have a great rest of your week.

All the very best for now

Tamsin

If you want to ‘live more in your life and less in your thoughts’ this year then I share more in my Living in the Flow mini series. Just click on the link and you’ll receive a short nudge over the next 7 days. See it as your quiet moment of reflection to start off your day, help keep you on track, and minimise any habitual thinking.

A nudge About Changing Your Mind

A nudge About Changing Your Mind

by | Tuesday, February 27, 2024 | Different Conversations Life

I took this early morning view down river from my Marina over the weekend…it was freezing cold, but lovely to see the blue sky and morning sunshine.

Changing your mind

I’m going to come straight out and say it, it’s okay to change your mind…and it’s okay for others to change their minds too.

I used to think if you made up your mind about something, it was important to stick to your guns, stick to your beliefs, and got pretty judgy about people who didn’t, often seeing them as a bit flaky or not to be relied upon. And I still find myself a tad irritated when it comes to someone regularly changing arrangements last minute, or promising to do something that doesn’t materialise! But, as I said in my last nudge, when it comes to habitual thinking that no longer serves you, giving yourself permission to change your mind is not only essential, but not doing so is actually counter to how we naturally work.

Thought is meant to flow

Much like how the river I live on flows, in my work I share the understanding that Thought with a capital T is always naturally flowing too. There’s a constant current of Thought flowing through our minds all day long, and much like it would make no sense to me to think I could stop, or alter, the nature of the river’s current, it makes no sense to think I can control the nature of Thought too. By its very nature Thought has no inherent meaning as it occurs. It is neutral, ever changing and transient. And just like the ebb and flow of the river’s tide if left to flow will naturally come and go.

We then all have our own personal thinking about Thought that is creating our moment to moment experience, through the variable meanings we give it, and it’s these personal thoughts that make up the world that we live in. As the thinker we may not be able to control the fact of Thought, but we can choose the meanings we ascribe to it, and where we place our focus and attention.

What is more, we can experience fresh thought in any moment through our own insights that come to us rather than from us…our innate wisdom as I refer to it…those out of the blue ideas that come when we have less on our mind, and feel just right in the moment. Thus just seeing this is how we naturally work can make a world of difference to our experience of life.

Making decisions

This can be especially helpful when it comes to making decisions. So often in my sessions people arrive caught up in fixed (so often conditioned…) ideas of what they believe is possible or open to them. Not knowing, or forgetting, they’re the thinker of such thoughts (and we all do it all the time…), they can get stuck in what I call their made up ‘givens’ that there is a right, wrong, better or worse decision they can take, and, more importantly, that once they make that decision they can’t change their minds!

And then there’s the small fact that life doesn’t always turn out the way that you ‘think’ it will…as the famous John Lennon quote goes ‘life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans’. Just think for a moment about a decision you’ve either made in the past, or are currently considering, and the countless hours spent looping back and forth only to find that life threw you a curve ball, or the issue or situation never materialised.

When clients get a glimpse of how Thought works, and that there’s an infinite source of fresh Thought for them to tap into that’s always flowing and available to them, they use words like ‘liberating’, ‘freeing’ and ‘joyful’ to describe how it feels to no longer feel trapped in their thoughts.

I’d love to hear what this sparks for you, and if you’re currently grappling with a decision, how might you look at it afresh through the lens of this understanding about Thought, and knowing that it’s okay to change your mind.

Have a lovely rest of your week.

All the very best for now

Tamsin

If you want to ‘live more in your life and less in your thoughts’ this year then I share more in my Living in the Flow mini series. Just click on the link and you’ll receive a short nudge over the next 7 days. See it as your quiet moment of reflection to start off your day, help keep you on track, and minimise any habitual thinking.

A nudge About Habitual Thinking

A nudge About Habitual Thinking

by | Saturday, January 27, 2024 | Different Conversations Life

This is a lovely view not far from where my sister lives, I thought I’d share it today to give us a reminder of brighter weather to come! I hope you’re keeping warm wherever you are in the world.

Habitual thinking

Yesterday I finally decided to set up my new computer having been putting it off since before Christmas … technology is definitely my bugbear when it comes to overthinking things!? So, with the thought ‘physician heal thyself’ ringing in my ears, I made a start. And, as so often happens, once I got going it turned out to be far easier than I’d been imagining.

It made me think of how much time and energy can be wasted getting stuck in habitual patterns of thinking, in my case about technology … always automatically imagining the worse case scenario of losing files, or not being able to access my emails, or having to spend hours on the phone to helplines, none of which materialised. And that’s just technology, but if you apply this in other areas of life such as in your work or family or relationships or health it isn’t hard to see the impact this can have over time.

Turning thoughts into ‘givens’

In my work, it’s pretty easy to spot habitual thinking when people say things like ‘that’s just the way it is, or who I am, or such and such a person is, or it’s always been this way it’ll never change. I call this our ‘givens’, which so often go unquestioned, and can keep us stuck. It’s like we make up our minds about something or someone (or ourselves), or take something to heart, and then live as if those thoughts are a fixed truth. Thoughts about anything are only human, but when we turn a thought into a given it can quickly become like a self fulfilling prophesy. And that then creates a filter through which we live our lives, make choices, take decisions, see other people, shut down possibilities and new perspectives.

We can change our minds

Left unquestioned, habitual thinking can go on for years. It can become part of our very identity … who we think we are. You’ll probably know the expression ‘you get what you focus on’, and the more attention we give a particular thought about anything, the more ingrained it gets. But it can change in a heartbeat, we can change our minds, think again. I often ask people ‘what’s happening when you don’t think that thought?’ I’m constantly surprised by how revelatory that is, and the answer’s so often that they just feel better!

So what rings true for you … where can you see habitual thinking playing out in your life, and how might you begin to let that go, and leave space for some fresh thinking to come in.

Until the next time, have a lovely weekend.

All the very best for now

Tamsin

If you want to ‘live more in your life and less in your thoughts’ this year then I share more in my Living in the Flow mini series. Just click on the link and you’ll receive a short nudge over the next 7 days. See it as your quiet moment of reflection to start off your day, help keep you on track, and minimise any habitual thinking.