What’s the difference between us and that swan?
I doubt very much this swan in my pic overthought what they were doing at the weekend as they floated down the River by my boat! I doubt they felt triggered by the other ducks, constantly checked their progress or felt in a rush to get under the bridge by a certain time! They just showed up, went with the flow of the River and trusted that they would float!
And of course that’s just a metaphor, but what is it that makes it so difficult for us to do the same?
We think…!
It’s taken me a long time to see that we’re designed to be more like that swan! And, for me, I’ve come to see that the only thing standing in the way is that we think. The fact that we all have the capacity for thought in and of itself is pretty wonderful. It’s the way we inadvertently use that via our own personal thinking, that so often gets in our way!
The River’s a good metaphor for seeing how thought v our own thinking works. The River where I live just flows and when things get caught up in it there’s usually nothing to do as they eventually get dislodged and float on by. Nothing is permanent, just like our thoughts. And once you know that’s how it works, it’s far easier to spend less time caught up in the weeds – or the content of our thinking!
Times when this is harder to see
There are three areas I’ve found where it can be harder to see this – albeit fresh thought, like the River, is constantly flowing!
1 When I’m triggered
I had a good example of this on my holiday recently. I was staying at a gorgeous villa with a lovely swimming pool and sunny weather, so on paper the last place I expected to feel anything other than relaxed!! Out of the blue, I was triggered by something someone said, that had me immediately feeling up tight. Moments before I was absolutely fine, and in an instant felt that feeling of anger and irritation.
Before, I would probably have jumped to a quick conclusion about what the person had said, resulting in an unhelpful discussion in the heat of the moment and a change in atmosphere. But instead found myself pausing. And in that pause, I had a new thought that it was not what the person had said that had triggered me, but my thinking about what they’d said, and just seeing that it was my own thinking immediately lessened my tension.
2 When things aren’t progressing as I think they should
My life used to be all about setting goals and then constantly reviewing progress based on how much I’d achieved or made happen – usually within my own made up timeline. If things were going the way I’d planned/envisaged I saw that as progress; when they weren’t, I quickly got caught up in the weeds of my own thinking, all those busy thoughts, which abound when we’re not seeing the results we want!
I’ve recently taken part in a 90 day project to create something impossible*, which I thoroughly enjoyed. One of the key differences is that rather than set goals, the idea was to come up with something that seemed impossible to us, but that we’d feel really excited about if it happened! Goals were described as being all about achievement, versus miracles ie things that would feel miraculous if they happened, and that we couldn’t possible predict happening in advance!
And that was the key difference – the difference between knowing and the unknown. Knowing the likely steps we’d need to take, having all our ducks in a row, second guessing all the things that we thought could go wrong or needed to be done. Versus not knowing – just showing up, pointing ourselves in the direction of what we wanted to create, seeing what new thinking occurred moment to moment as we did the next thing that occurred to us.
Far less about pushing and stressing to create results, and much more like the swan in the flow on the River. Engaging with something, but with nothing on it, no pressure, having fun, and creating in a much easier more enjoyable way. I’m now seeing progress in a completely different way with a much greater appreciation of the internal progress that I’m experiencing, rather than external achievements.
3 When things are going too fast or too slow
Self imposed timelines are my nemesis! The quickest way to get me out of living in the flow is when I found myself over focusing on the timing of something, rather than seeing that timing is invariably not within my control.
I’ve wasted countless hours worrying about why something isn’t happening when I want it to, or trying to control or manipulate a situation to see results faster. And that way inevitably just leads to piling on more pressure and stressful thinking!
These days, I see that life often has its own pace. Things often work out better in hindsight, there was a better or right time for something to happen, or not. I’ve come to accept that there are ebbs and flows to momentum and to go with it rather than resist. Do the next thing that occurs to me, and trust that just in time fresh thoughts/wisdom are always flowing in.
I’d love to hear what this brings up for you!
*PS I’d appreciate your help with three quick questions. I’m mulling the idea of inviting some people to explore something similar on line during May, but focusing on doing something you’ve always wanted to that takes you out of your comfort zone. Let’s call it Miracles in May…something that would feel miraculous and exciting if it happened. More from this ‘do what occurs’ next/in the flow perspective, to experience a lighter, more enjoyable way of doing something new, or approaching a habit with fresh eyes. It’s not about the end result – it’s all about the internal progress that you’ll experience, which can be miraculous!
1 What do you think about this idea?
2 What comes to mind that would feel like a miracle for you?
3 Are you up for giving this a go during May?
You can drop me a line here – thanks so much!
