A nudge to take uncomfortable feelings less seriously

It’s been a while again since my last nudge, and I hope you’re having a lovely summer. I can’t get over the weather we’ve been having in the UK, although a little cooler on the boat today!

Depression and chemical imbalance link questioned

I’ve been thinking about some research that was in the news last week suggesting that depression may not be caused by a chemical imbalance (specifically low serotonin levels). *Based on a major review of prior research by University College London (UCL), the report’s authors are therefore questioning the use of (and increase in use of) antidepressants prescribed for this reason.

You can read the UCL news piece below and make your own conclusions, but I have felt uneasy for a long time now about the over prescribing that goes on. This can sometimes be referred to as ‘the medicalisation of feelings’, or human emotions. (I just looked up the term and medicalisation is described as the ‘process of taking non-medical problems and converting them into illnesses and disorders’ according to Conrad and Schneider 2010.)

Thought feeling, thought feeling link

Whatever your views, and I’m well aware there will be differing ones, depending on your own experience, I wanted to share a nudge today on taking all uncomfy feelings less seriously.

It actually came to me in the form of a question: “Why oh why do we spend so much time thinking about, or analysing, uncomfortable feelings, and yet spend far less time sitting in good feelings when we have them?”

Aside from the obvious survival instinct that can drive us and cause this to happen, this is something I do less and less – both for myself and in my work – now that I see the link between a thought and a feeling. At its simplest, if we’re thinking what we would dub as happy or joyful thoughts, we’ll feel happy and joyful; when we’re thinking what we would dub as unhappy, sad or fearful thoughts, we’ll feel unhappy, sad or fearful.

The difficulty comes when we project those feelings on to an object or person or circumstance instead of just allowing the stream of thought-feeling, thought-feeling to naturally flow.

Rather, we’re so conditioned (and innocently so) to project what we’re feeling onto something, and when we do we fix it in place … it becomes rigid and no longer flows. Then it feels like the external object, person or circumstance has to change for our thoughts to change and for us to feel better….which takes so much longer.

Our state of mind is not fixed

What is more, our state of mind is not fixed. Our state of mind can change in a heartbeat as we have a fresh thought, or a new perspective, or we simply drop into a clearer state of mind. For instance, you know that way you can go to bed in a bad mood, or stirred up state, about something only to wake and feel much better in the morning. Nothing has changed, yet you just feel better.

I’ve come to see that this capacity resides in us, we don’t have to do anything for it to work for us.

That is such a good example of the transient nature of thoughts and states of mind just being of the moment … that is, whatever is crossing our mind at any given time. And it’s not about trying not to think, and thus feel, or being permanently Zen like. There is no point (even if we could) trying to contrive better feelings as nothing is fixed anyway … as thoughts pass through, feelings pass with them. And that includes for people who have previously felt let down by the system, or a diagnosis, which has left them feeling at a loss or sadly hopeless.

Less need for the world to be different

Seeing uncomfy feelings for what they are means you start to feel less trapped in the feelings of thoughts you’re taking seriously. It’s only human that sometimes thoughts will feel more ‘sticky’ than others, and at other times you’ll ignore them. But either way, I and the people I work with, feel less in the trap of needing the world to be different to feel okay than we used to, and the implications of that are huge – not to mention a lot more hopeful.

I would dearly love to hear what comes to mind, or resonates for you, from this nudge so do let me know here.

All the very best for now

Tam

*UCL news – No evidence that depression is caused by low serotonin levels, finds comprehensive review https://www.ucl.ac.uk/news/2022/jul/no-evidence-depression-caused-low-serotonin-levels-finds-comprehensive-review

NB as is referenced in the news piece, it is never advisable to come off medication without prior discussion with your doctor. As I often say to people, don’t take mine, or anyone else’s word for things. You have your own inner wisdom to guide you, be that being called to do your own research, or trusting your instincts, you are the expert on you.

If you read my Easter nudge, you’lI know I shared some photos from my recent trip to the tulip gardens in Amsterdam. I had so many photos that I couldn’t resist sharing a couple more! For those of you who did see it, thanks for your lovely comments and emails … so glad the nudge resonated.

Peace of mind exists in the moment

Picking up on my previous theme of living more in your life than in your thoughts, I’ve come to see that peace of mind is always more accessible in the moment.

Picture for a minute how much energy can be expended on overthinking a (seemingly) problematic issue, situation, circumstance or relationship from the past – or imagined in the future – not to mention how much of your time that can waste.

Have you noticed how often that the more you overthink it, the more stirred up and uncomfortable you can start to feel?

Missing from the moment

I call this ‘missing from the moment’. Because once those noisy thoughts start to clog up your mind, it can set off a train of thought that can be hard to jump off, taking us out of our present life where we actually are.

It also leaves so much less space for fresh thinking and clarity to naturally come in.

We can’t control the noisy thinking, or endless thoughts that can loop around our heads, but we can see them for what they are … just thoughts crossing our mind, and, if left alone, will just pass through.

No more real than watching a film

If you’ve ever watched a film and thought about it long after it ended, that’s such a good metaphor for the nature of thought.

Although we know that a film isn’t real life, it doesn’t mean we don’t feel it as real when we’re watching it. It explains why years ago with the earliest movies people ran out of the cinemas when they saw a train coming towards them on the screen.

The same applies to our personal thinking. Once we’re off on a train of thought, it’s no more true than watching a made up film or tv programme. But if we were to watch a film focusing on all the special effects or direction that had gone into its production, it wouldn’t make it very enjoyable … much the same with life.

It’s just that thoughts create feelings and so we experience them as real.

And much like a scary movie I can always walk out of, it’s lovely to know that’s how thoughts work too. Seeing the thought/feeling connection means there’s nothing to overthink, change or do. If I’m not thinking it, I’m not feeling it, my mind naturally settles and I’m back in the present moment.

Wishing you a great rest of your Friday and a peaceful weekend.

All the best for now

Tamsin

PS And here’s some hyacinths in Amsterdam – the smell was amazing!

A couple of weeks ago my sister and I spent a wonderful weekend visiting friends in Amsterdam. We were really lucky to be there while the Keukenhof Tulip Gardens were open, and it was the most magical experience … a little of which I’ve tried to capture above and below!

If felt very strange to be travelling, and made me think of how much life has been put on hold these past couple of years. And how easy it can be to live more in your thoughts about life than actually living life. And all the more so when life feels tough and challenging such as current world events, which are occupying all of our minds at the moment….

Living more in your life and less in your thoughts

It was a big revelation to me when I saw there’s a world of difference between living in our lives and living in our thoughts about life. And I’ve come to see that life often lives us far better than our imagination often serves us.

Living in the moment and showing up to life as it happens is so much kinder than getting caught up in our thoughts about what we think has gone before, or what we think might happen in the future.

Getting more comfortable with insecure thinking

Once I saw that I’m always living in the experience of my moment to moment thinking about whatever is going on in my life, l got a lot more comfortable with insecure thinking. I saw that the more stirred up my thoughts were, the more insecure thinking would likely creep in – especially when I had a lot of thinking going on! Just knowing that’s all it is – insecure thinking in the moment – can be enough to settle our thoughts and drop back into the present moment, which has a quieter, more spacious feel to it. I saw that it was pointless to ‘stir the pot’ because when my mind settled down, any insecure thinking would disappear.

So my nudge for Easter is just to check in with yourself and see if you’re living a little too much in your thoughts rather than in your life, and to see the difference just noticing that makes.

Wishing you a relaxing and peaceful Easter holidays.

All the best for now

Tamsin

PS If you’d like to explore what life can be like living more in your life and less in your thoughts, then do consider joining The Miraculous Book Club. Run virtually over 8 weeks, it’s a chance to take a step back and experience freedom from worry and stress once and for all. Just click on the link to read more about it, and see how others benefited from taking part last year.

Well it’s that time of year and a bit like marmite, whether you love it or not, Valentine’s Day is here again.

It represents a couple of things for me like taking a moment to appreciate our loved ones for a starter – although I hope you don’t need a specific date to do that!? But just as importantly it can be a chance to check in on ourselves, and see how much time you’ve been giving to you recently?

‘Me time’ is not selfish

‘Me time’ has to begin with stopping the busyness, and getting good at carving out guilt-free, time out for ourselves.

Take a minute now to ask yourself this question: out of a 100 per cent what percentage would you say you’re currently spending on 1 Me time 2 Personal time (partner, children, family, friends) 3 Work (paid/unpaid) job/business … however you’re spending the majority of your day time?

Looking at how you scored, what thoughts come up for you immediately? Does that feel like the right balance for you? And, if not, what might you do to create greater balance across all three areas?

My nudges are all about having a different conversation with ourselves so we’re living with less stress and greater ease. So whatever Valentine’s Day means to you, I wish you a lovely rest of your day, including taking some ‘me time’ for yourself!

All the best for now

Tamsin

PS If life feels out of balance for you, make this the year when you do something different. There’s a way to reduce your stress levels and expand your time without having to change or do anything extra, and I’d love to share that with you so you experience more sustainable peace of mind, wellbeing and joy in 2022.

When you’re ready there are a couple of immediate ways to begin.

1 My free insights series for ‘Living in the Flow’ a good introduction to the understanding I share.

2 My Freedom from Worry and Stress Challenge – 8 Weeks to Greater Wellbeing and Resilience – just click on the link to see how others benefited from taking part last year and how it works. Numbers are limited and I’ll be announcing the dates for the next one soon, so if this talks to you drop me an email to be one of the first to know… JFDI!

I hope the New Year has got off to a good start for you, and you’re continuing to feel the benefit of the festive break.

I’m well aware that could be a case of famous last words, as I’m already speaking with people who are back into the usual busyness, and already feeling the stress.

So, in thinking about my New Year nudge, I wanted to share a reflection about creating more time, and yes I have found it’s possible!

There’s always an easier time to do something

This one thing probably sounds so simple, but has made the world of difference to me and the people I work with. And a good example of this is writing this nudge. Yesterday, no matter how long I sat at the computer, the words were just not coming. And the more I overthought things, the more frustrated I felt.

Today, having decided to leave it alone and come back to it, various ideas came to mind, and the words are just flowing.

It’s only me putting the pressure on

Since it’s rarely a life or death situation, I’ve come to see it’s only ever me who is putting myself under pressure to get something done by a certain time and in a certain way. I’d got this idea yesterday that it was ‘blue Monday’ so that would be a good hook to hang my nudge on. But the more I thought about it the more I thought that discussing a made up idea – turns out Blue Monday is just a marketing ploy that a travel company came up with to get us to book holidays (who knew…) – didn’t feel very helpful!

Expanding time by just starting

Expanding time as I’ve come to see it on the other hand felt like a useful nudge! And the way I’ve found this works is that there’s the thing that you want to do or needs doing, and then there’s all the thinking you can have about it. Whereas if you just get started there’s a natural momentum that builds, and before you know it the thing is done, which saves so much time.

Follow your energy

And when you don’t feel like it, I’ve found it’s pretty pointless forcing yourself. As I said above, there’s always a time when your energy levels lift, or something naturally shifts or comes to mind, that just puts you back in the flow of taking action.

Alternatively, you can do what my sister calls JFDI… the polite version of which is just do it! This gets a whole lot easier when you’re living more in your life and less in your thoughts!

That’s my nudge to help create more time in 2022, and I hope you find it helpful. Don’t take my word for it, just notice what happens when you allow yourself to show up to life and follow where your energy takes you – it not only saves so much time, but makes for a much nicer way to live.

All the best for now

Tamsin

PS If you feel time starved then make this the year when you do something different. There’s a way to reduce your stress levels and expand your time without having to change or do anything extra, and I’d love to share that with you so you experience more sustainable peace of mind, wellbeing and joy in 2022. You can start now with my free insights series for ‘Living in the Flow’ a good introduction to the understanding I share.

Just a short and sweet email to wish you a peaceful and relaxing holidays, including a pic of the traditional Christmas Light Up on my Marine and boat where I live!

It was lovely to hear from so many of you following my last nudge About Believing your Thoughts, and I look forward to connecting more via my nudges in the New Year.

When I was pondering what nudge to share today, I was drawn to go back to a previous nudge I sent a few years back at Christmas where I shared a well known, funny, short YouTube video called ‘The Nothing Box’.

I know communications with our important people can sometimes be a bit stressful leading up to and over the holidays. So, in the spirit of wishing everyone as stress free time as possible, this is an amusing take on how men and women can communicate differently!

Watching it again today, I still laughed out loud, albeit it struck me that it’s perhaps less helpful these days to focus on what makes us different, and way more helpful to embrace what makes us similar.

And one thing I’ve come to see is that we all have access to a Nothing Box.

Or, as I share in my work, a space inside where we can always go to experience a quieter state of mind, and from there we invariably find ourselves surfacing refreshed and more easily seeing how best to communicate!

I hope the video raises a smile or two for you, as well as a gentle nudge to remind you of your Nothing Box, and how helpful it can be to know it’s there anytime you need it.

Wishing you a lovely Christmas, and here’s to a wonderful New Year for us all.

Warmest best wishes and love

Tamsin

It’s been a while since my last nudge and I hope you’re keeping well.

I took this picture on the River this week, and the string of boats reminded me of a string of thoughts, and how one thought can quickly lead to another…sometimes causing us to worry, stress or feel anxious about what we’re thinking.

In my last nudge on wellbeing, I shared that I’ve come to see all thoughts as neutral until we breathe life into them, or give them a meaning. So, it got me thinking about a question:

“How do you know what thoughts to believe?”

Or put another way, what causes us to buy into some thoughts and not others?

I think we get so used to living on autopilot that we don’t often stand back and question what we think. Or give ourselves a chance to see an issue, situation or person with a fresh perspective…a chance to change our mind, or reflect on long held beliefs that might be limiting us or holding us back in this moment.

This is where my nudging is so enjoyable, as it offers an opportunity for people to take a fresh look and experience a renewed freedom and peace of mind. This can feel so much nicer than continuing to live with what I refer to as that background hum of stress, or heavier feeling that can weigh us down when something is playing on our minds.

It’s at those times that it can be so compelling to keep churning things over and over in the hopes of finding a solution…something I certainly used to do a lot! But I’ve found that only serves to create more noise in my head and keep my thoughts spinning.

These days, I do the exact opposite and encourage people I work with to do the same. And that is to get quiet and leave their thinking alone. This can be easier said than done, but I’ve learnt that it pays to wait for my mind to settle down…and from that quieter state, things invariably look different, and fresh answers inevitably come to me. I don’t always manage it of course, but seeing that’s just what naturally happens when we have less on our mind makes for the world of difference.

So how might you answer the question: “How do you know what thoughts to believe?” I’d love to hear what percolates for you!

I hope you found this nudge helpful. Please do share it with anyone who you feel might be living with that hum of stress, or doing battle with their thoughts, and who might benefit from a different perspective.

All the very best for now

Tamsin

It was Mental Health Awareness Week here in the UK last week, and today I was nudged into action to share some thoughts in a video, which I attach below.

I have to say that recording videos is probably one of the fastest ways for me to get caught up in overthinking!? So the easiest way for me to get past all that is just press record and see where the conversation takes me! It’s a big conversation so the video is longer than usual, but I hope you’ll bear with me.

A couple of highlights include some things I feel are currently missing in the current debate, including how helpful it can be to:

see that just because any of us might be experiencing stressful, difficult or hard times, it doesn’t mean there’s anything inherently wrong with us

listen for a person’s mental health versus listening to diagnose, and

keep an open mind to think again when it comes to your own, or anyone else’s, mental health … rather than judging yourself, or them, for whatever you, or they, might be experiencing in the moment.

I’d love to hear what you think about what I’m sharing so if you could spare a minute do let me know any thoughts or fresh insights that percolate.

I know this is a topic that can stir up all kinds of thoughts, but I’d love it if you could just take a look with as little on your mind as possible, and join in the conversation!

Here’s some links I reference in the video

Mental Health Awareness Week 2017 – A nudge about overthinking and mental wellbeing

Mental Health Awareness Week 2019 – What if it’s okay to not feel okay

A nudge about the way we think

Getting comfortable with the unknown

A nudge and message for our times

Free ‘Living in the Flow‘ email series, a good introduction to this understanding I share about the nature of thought to help you experience greater peace of mind.

I do hope you find this nudge helpful. Please do share it with anyone who you feel could benefit from being part of this conversation.

All the very best for now

Tamsin

We finally had some lovely sunshine here in the UK this week, just in time to be able to meet friends and loved ones again in an outdoor space. I spent time with my twin sister, and this is the blossom tree in the front of her garden!

We also both had our first vaccination jabs, and I take my hat off to all the people involved. Everyone was so friendly from the people directing us as we arrived to those taking our details and the nurses giving us the jab, it all went smoothly and quickly and I feel very grateful.

The results are in … wellbeing resides inside

Thanks so much to those of you who replied to my last nudge and straw poll on wellbeing. It was so interesting to read your responses.

In short, most people felt that their wellbeing resides inside them.

As one person said: “Has to be inside otherwise it’s too unstable.”

For me, that seems to be at the very core of what makes the difference for people’s mental health. Because if it seems like wellbeing depends on something external having to look a certain way, or a feeling of needing to control our circumstances or other people before we can feel okay, then inevitably that’s likely to give rise to feelings of insecurity, especially during changing times.

Trusting in our wellbeing

So if our wellbeing resides inside us, why can it feel harder to access in challenging times? I think the answer lies in the understandable human trait of looking outside ourselves in an effort to give ourselves certainty when life starts to feel uncomfortable. But what if that’s just a case of looking in the wrong direction? And instead of looking to external circumstances, or others, to give us our sense of wellbeing, we rather look inside ourselves and trust that it resides within.

There’s evidence all around us right now of people’s inner wellbeing and resilience at play, regardless of all that’s going on. And that’s why I spend my time these days nudging people towards their inner wellbeing, which I’ve come to see is innate and naturally in us all. It gives us a solid foundation to stand on…a ‘mental immunity’ if you like…and when we live more from that place, can make for a much less stressful experience of life.

Easier to access in nature

Spending time out in nature was also mentioned a lot in people’s responses to me for where they felt their wellbeing more. This makes perfect sense to me as so often that’s when we have less on our minds, and for me, it’s experiencing that spaciousness outside that opens up greater access to that quieter space of wellbeing and peace of mind inside.

That feels like a hopeful message on which to end, and to wish you a very happy Easter and relaxing break.

All the very best for now

Tamsin

PS I’m currently planning some one to one and group options to help people live more from their wellbeing, which I’ll be sharing soon. If you’re interested to know more now, then just drop me an email and I’ll let you have more details.