I received some really insightful thoughts and comments on my last nudge ‘What Makes a Problem a Problem‘. So interesting that we all come from our own unique perspective when considering this question, which, for me, only serves to underline how much we live in our own separate, thought created realities.
No one reality
I remember well the day I truly saw that there is no one reality out there that we’re all responding to during one of my coach trainings many moons ago. Up until then I just assumed if certain situations or circumstances arose that we all experienced them in a similar way. Of course with our own unique flavour, but very much from a belief, or ‘given’, that certain things were definitely a problem…such as being short of money, or having a relationship breakdown, or a health issue.
As one of my readers commented:
“One person’s problem can be another person’s non-issue. There is sometimes an action to take to nudge it along, but it’s amazing how much naturally sorts itself even if it’s not to everyone’s original design.“
And that’s been very much my experience too.
Where do you spend your time?
This got me thinking about another question I often ask in my work: where do you spend your time?
I’m not talking about where you physically spend your day to day life, but where you tend to spend most of your time mentally.
As the strapline says on my nudgeme website, we’re either living in our life or living in our thoughts, and the extent to which we spend time in either dictates the quality of our lives.
Missing from the moment
Put simply I’ve come to see that the more we find ourselves caught up in our thinking – and I should say innocently so, it’s not something we can control – the more we wind up ‘missing from the moment’.
For instance, have you ever taken a walk to clear your head, but found that by the time you got home you haven’t really been in the moment, in the present, aware of your surroundings? Then at another time, you’ve been more relaxed, in a better state of mind and spotted all kinds of things you didn’t notice previously. Nothing has changed about the walk, it’s just with a clearer head, less on your mind you’ve had a completely different experience.
Life is kinder than our imagination
As the comment above suggests ‘it’s amazing how much naturally sorts itself’ when we leave our thinking alone. I’ve come to see that if an answer to something is needed it’s more likely to come when your mind settles down vs going back and forth with imagined future scenarios. And it’s from that quieter state of mind that the thoughts can feel very different. Those out of the blue ones that just feel fresh and new and just right for the situation at hand.
I’m not saying that using our intellect can’t be helpful, but you’ll always know when it’s less so by the way it feels. When you start to feel stressed, or anxious or finding it hard to sleep or however this manifests for you, that’s the signal to leave your thinking alone as best you can. Trust that something will come to you from a calmer state of mind.
Kindness in our design
As I always say, please don’t take my word for it, test it out for yourself.
I now see that there’s kindness in our design, and that uncomfortable feelings are a useful guide, letting us know when we’re getting too caught up in our thinking. And nothing needs to change on the outside for that to happen, which makes for a much easier and nicer way to live.
So where do you spend your time? If it tends to be more in your thoughts, and you’re currently grappling with something, or feeling stressed, I hope you find this nudge helpful. And, as always, I’d love to hear from you.
Until the next time, have a good rest of your day, and all the very best for now.
Tamsin