I swam on this beach while on holiday recently in Paxos, Greece. A week ‘unplugged’ with no access to emails or internet or news on the European Referendum – I highly recommend it!
Challenging times
Once back and on line, of course news about the result, and accompanying non-stop media commentary, are hard to avoid. The expression ‘we’re living in interesting times’ is an understatement, and the fall out has generated high levels of uncertainty.
In my experience, it can help to remember three things when navigating challenging times.
1 Choosing your focus
It can be all too easy to get swept up on a tide of negative emotion. Choosing your focus, and being very mindful over the conversation you’re having with yourself, can be a huge help. We might feel we have little control over what’s going on around us, but we do have control over our thoughts and perspectives.
And I’m not talking about positive thinking here. More a question I often ask people in my work: “Who do you think is in charge of your thoughts if not you?” Remembering that it can only be you can be very empowering!
2 Acceptance versus resistance
Accepting things as they are can be hard, but so often it’s our own resistance to accepting something we might not want or like, which causes the upset rather than the event itself.
Put another way, ‘what you resist, persists’. The quicker you can drop the resistance, and take the view it is what it is – whilst not seeing it worse than it is – the better you’ll start to feel.
3 Get curious
We can all have a tendency to get stuck in a particular pattern of ‘either/or’ or ‘right or wrong’ thinking about both events and other people. The mind will then seek out all the evidence to support your point of view – part of a survival mechanism that’s wired into us.
Looping of unhelpful thoughts can be exhausting and stressful.
Instead, it can help to get really curious. Coming up with at least three possible alternatives to what you’re believing forces the mind to consider other options.
Asking yourself better, open ended, questions can also help shift your perspective. Questions like:
“What else might this mean?”
“What would have to happen for me to view this differently?”
“How can I know for sure what I’m believing is true?”
“What might I feel or do now/next if I didn’t believe this thought?”
Gratitude
Finally, turning your attention to what you are happy and grateful for in your life – irrespective of anything else going on around you – is a proven way to counter negative thoughts. They say it’s impossible to think both a negative and positive thought at the same time so a focus on gratitude can make all the difference.
Given that we’re all only ever experiencing the feeling of our thinking in the moment, I know where I’d rather be directing my thoughts.